Imma go a' hookin'

I sincerely wonder how much money I can make as a hooker. Now that they almost shit-canned me from the office (they cut my hours in half and took away my benefits), I should probably take up a career in hookin'. I honestly give amazing head. And I like putting penis up my anus. This means that I am of high value I suppose. However, ATM is not my deal. So, please keep your penis with my particles of shit on your dick away from my mouth. I do not want E.coli unless I got it from eating raw beef. But in that case I would like mad cow. Thank you.

No, but in all reality I am happy as hell to only work part-time and make enough money to live. 3 days a week. I have Tuesdays and Thursdays off. I am stupid for not asking to only work Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. Because then I would have 4 day weekends. WOW THAT IS AMAZING. I'm going to have to change that, pronto.

So in the past week I have learned a lot of things. Working sucks - and freedom from a 9-5 desk job is 100x better, even with a cut in pay. I also learned that there really are inbred people out there. People who are so awkwardly built and are so blatantly stupid that you feel that abortion could never be illegal for this reason. What's sad is that these people are too stupid to realize that they should not be breeding with their brother/sister, so it's like abortion doesn't even exist. I am waiting for next season of Nip/Tuck to find out that Matt got his new found sister pregnant and they plan on keeping the child, move to the Ozarks and when their off spring grow up, they fuck them, too. I have also discovered that a Texan accent isn't so much a cultural accent, but rather, a lack of functionality in the brain. It's permanent verbal vomit.

So, Potty decided he would stop being a faggot and come hang out with my friends. My friends will probably ruin his life which is fabulous. He needs it - badly. And he'll probably read this and get all offended. He'll say WHY DO I NEED MY LIFE RUINED and then I will follow up the conversation and be like BECAUSE YOU ARE A STUPID ASS. CHANGE YOUR NAME TO STUPID B. ASS, ESQ. AND WHEN PEOPLE GET YOUR CARD, THEY WILL AUTOMATICALLY KNOW THAT YOU ARE A STUPID ASS! So, Potty, now that you have read this, do not ask me any questions. Please have sex with all my blonde friends. It will do you some good, child.

Anyway, tonight is the Sterling Williams fashion show at Vanguard in Hollywood. WHICH MEANS I AM VIP AND GET TABLES WITH BOTTLE SERVICE AND I AM COMING WITH MY POSSE OF 7 or 8 or 20 PEOPLE. But let me just say I got into a fight with my dad last night because he wants to come. Sterling invited my dad and I'm like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING! Then he proceeded to tell me what a horrible person I am because I do not want to be seen with Old Man Gloom at a club in Hollywood. It's different when we go to Mastro's Steakhouse and blow $3,000 on dinner. Unless my dad feels like spending $10,000 on drinks, he is not allowed to come. He'll probably get drunk and make out with people (like the time we hosted a Halloween party and my dad made out with an 80 year old woman, because some fat lady brought her old grandma) and embarrass me, then I will be obligated to tell my mother and it's just not worth the hassle.

I guess that's it. I am leaving early to go shopping.

FUCK YOU ALL, AND DON'T GET A BIG DICK ABOUT IT!