Shit, that pink and red holiday is coming up.

When I think about Valentine's Day I start thinking about how everything is red and pink with cut-out misshaped/deformed hearts plastered everywhere. This holiday sort of makes me angry. I feel like if I'm FORCED to be all lovey-dovey, then I'm going to get pissed off and take it out on my boyfriend that usually doesn't derseve it. Anyway, Valentine's Day is almost here and I decided to boycott it. Dom, if you are reading this, PLEASE NOTE THAT I WILL NOT BE CELEBRATING VALENTINE'S DAY. However, I think we should still give each other the sex. But I prefer for us to fight about something stupid and THEN give each other the sex. Everything always ends up much sweatier this way and I like it.

I mean, why waste money on a stupid card, stupid flowers and candy and shit that's not NEEDED. It's REALLY NOT a Hallmark holiday since it's been celebrated long before the monopoloy corporation that is Hallmark, but I think it's stupid anyway. All I really need is maybe an extra hour or two of sex. And that in itself will be my present to myself and to my boyfriend. I think all women should think like me and just want more sex and not material bullshit gifts. BUT... And there is ALWAYS a but. - If Dom just so happened to turn into Rockefeller himself and decided to buy the entire Louis Vuitton store on Rodeo Drive and the Tiffany & Co. store that's directly across from Louis Vuitton on Rodeo Drive I guess I would not complain. I could swim in diamonds and printed gold and brown leather and tell the world how much better I am than everyone because I was lavished with millions of dollars worth of shit I don't need. Speaking of which, my big Louis Vuitton bag that I use every day is getting disgusting on me. I should probably get a new one... But I'm horse broke. So when I'm un-horse broke I should buy a couple of them. I think if I didn't have my horse and sold her I could probably buy a huge house... But although I rarely see her and one of my bestfriends is riding her, I love her. I just wish I had more time for her.

Anyway, back to what I was saying.
...
Oh yes, Valentine's Day.

There's a woman in this office - I call her Skeletor. She reminds me of the Space Needle only melting. If you need to look up the Space Needle, you are an idiot. But yes, I am comparing her to an inanimate object, because that's what she basically is. So Skeletor spends a majority of here day here in the office on Match.com - she leaves every Thursday and Friday to go "work out" but you know it's for a date because sometimes on her lunch she'll get her "hair fluffed." Whatever that means. So, Since Thursday is Valentine's Day I'm wondering what excuse she'll have for leaving early an hour or two early. I'm sure because she's single and disgusting that she'll leave an extra hour or so early to get EXTRA ready for her EXTRA GOOD Valentine's date that I can ASSURE YOU she met on Match.com. What's even better is that I over-heard about one of her dates. Apparently one time she DROVE ALL THE WAY TO PALMDALE, which, from her condo in Camarillo is like driving to Vegas for a date to meet some poor sap at his house. Apparently when she got there at 9:00 pm at night he lived in a trailer with like 30 dogs that shit all over his house and had not been cleaned in a long time. Pretty awesome. The smell was "aweful" but she stayed anyway. This is how desperate a woman can be. IF YOU NEED TO DRIVE MORE THAN AN HOUR AND SOME AWAY TO GET A DATE AND HE LIVES IN A TRAILER PARK WITH SHIT ALL OVER HIS 600 SQFT TRAILER, I WOULD SAY YOU ARE A DESPERATRE WOMAN. Apparently he had a huge dick as promised by Match.com and she fucked him while she was probably bent over a couple plies of dog shit.

I actually signed up on Match.com as a 50 year old man to see if I could find her profile. Eventually I did, and she has erotic type photos plastered everywhere. Under her interests it says "skinny dipping." I'm sorry, but a woman that's been suffering from anorexia her entire life that has absolutely no fat or muscle on her body and her skin is hanging off her bones does not sound like someone that I want to skinny dip with. Plus, her vagina is probably so lose that someone could easily jump in there. But I wouldn't be surprised if people went spelunking in there to find coal and bats. Just spare the canary. I imagine her labia to hang down to the floor and the reason why she wears nylons every day and underwear is to safely and securely lift up her roast beef labia to a normal position. God, I have disgusted myself - and that takes a lot to do. I wouldn't be surprised if she brought Valentine's Day cards for the UPS guy and the FedEx guy. OH MY GOD she probably will bring one for the midget Indian man that is our attorney service. Now THAT guy is a creepo and totally at her level. Her vagina level that is. She probably likes that, that sick, sick woman. And I am just as sick for thinking she probably likes that but if you knew her you would know that she does. AM I MAKING ANY SENSE HERE? Good. Maybe I will try to take a picture of her on Thursday and post it. ANY ONE WANT TO BET ME SHE WILL BE WEARING A NEGATIVE AMOUNT OF CLOTHING!? COME ON. SOMEONE BET ME.