Mother, may I?

I can't believe how many lonely stay-at-home mothers post on this shit. Now that I'm awake again I decided to click the "next blog" button and end up browsing though 500 fucking blogs of women posting pictures of their little ugly children. What's worse is that I'll read the first sentence and I'll say to myself, WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE REPRODUCING?! This one woman - ohmygod. I have no idea how she got knocked up in the first place. She probably went to a sperm bank with her turkey baster and asked for a cup of whatever she can get. That poor sperm. Anyway, this woman was the size of my house. Realistically, she was the size of the copy machine I was talking about earlier.

So I read the first sentence went something like this:

This is my son (insert name here). He is 2 years old. This is a new picture I took today. I hope one day he will be like his dad who drives a bus in Oklahoma. I am not sure when I want to put him in preschool. I might put him in home school so then I can teach him a good school. He will be very smart this way.


So, now that if you have half a brain you have established that this woman is an idiot and she should have never had sexy time with the bus driver from Oklahoma - or maybe she should have not read the profile the sperm bank gave her from the donor. Whatever one came first. The donor at the sperm bank was probably 1-upping his life and he was really a crackhead. The kid looked a lot like the wombat posted above. Anyway, I feel bad for this kid because he'll grow up with a mom that will tell him that everything he does in life is because Jesus told him to do it. I hope he wakes up one morning and stabs her in the heart and he's like "Jesus told me to do it."

But enough about Jesus and stabbing. I just wish that all these pathetic fucking women would do something like CARE FOR THEIR CHILDREN than post blogs about how ugly they are. There's got to be something else in the world to do, like bathe their children because they are all dirty. God, I hate children after blogger. Thank you blogger for making me hate children even more than I already do.

Just to prove that I am not a cold heartless bitch, I will admit right now that I almost died when this little girl melted my heart once. I was getting in the elevator in my building and this little girl comes running out of Merrill Lynch with her top exec dad. He was "talking business" on his crackberry and she came running up to me and grabbed my leg. Normally I would shake off a child like I would a rabid animal but she was so cute I just wanted to pick her up and call her my own. THIS IS MY CHILD. DO NOT TOUCH HER. She had these BIG green eyes and this light brown hair and this perfect little face. Her mom was probably hot and stupid because super exec dad was an ugly douchebag - and those guys find hot women to breed with. Anyway, she was wearing a little fucking pink tutu and her little ballerina slippers. She was really fucking adorable. I wanted to immediately go out and spend 200 grand on a grey hunter pony for her that would always put her in the ribbons at shows.

I am done talking about children. Suddenly after thinking about that little adorable girl I want to breed with my boyfriend. Luckily, we are both really super fabulously sexy and we're both smart. So our child will be really super fabulously sexy and smart. See, there is a pattern here.