Little Red Dress.

Last night I felt like a hooker walking the streets of Hollywood. If I didn't have my big trench coat on I probably would have been stopped by random hornies and asked what my going rate was. I probably would have said a million for the night but then some creepo might have been able to afford me so then I would have felt obligated to give him the sex. Anyway, I bought this little red dress at this really cute store in Hollywood that Dom's family has been telling me about. So here I am going I CANNOT SPEND ANY MONEY BECAUSE I AM MOVING MY HORSE SOON AND I AM ALREADY BROKE but then Gia and the resident gay are like OMG GIRLFRIEND, THIS LITTLE HOOKER RED DRESS WILL LOOK FABULOUS ON YOU. So I try it on and decide not to take it off. I mean, it was only $50.00 which looked 10x cuter than my Michael Kors dress that was way more expensive and definitely not as cute on as the hooker dress. Then I realized I'm wearing my platform heels and I say to myself, GOD I LOOK LIKE A HOOKER VERSION OF J.LO. Even the resident gay was like GIRL, YOUR ASS IS FABULOUS AND YOU LOOK LIKE J.LO HUNNY, YOU GO GIRL. Of course I never wear mini dresses or the color red so I was really uncomfortable for about 10 minutes - then I realized the street was littered with uglies so I stopped caring. I still can't get over the fact I bought a dress for $50.00 - I've never bought anything other than underwear for that cheap before. Crazy. But now I am regretting not trying on this green dress which was also $50. I'm just going to have to go back this weekend and buy it.

Also, last night I went to see some crazy guy do his little poetic political ranting about Bush with like a 20 person bad in some weird little red venue. I think I was there about 20 minutes. In this time he managed to squeeze out about 3 rants about Bush. He also slowly started to strip down as time went on.

His first rant was about Bush taking a shit.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOOK A SHIT, BUSH?

I look at Sab and I'm like, well, probably the last time he ate his bran muffin. He is an old man, afterall.

Then he went on for about 10 minutes about Bush taking a shit. Apparently he has an obsession with poop. I bet you he watches 2 girls 1 cup or better yet, 2 girls 1 finger on the daily. How else would he get inspiration? Well, I'm sure there are a number of ways... It wouldn't surprise me if I found out he was into coprophilia.

I don't know what happened between that part of his ranting about shit and then his ranting about bacon and eggs.

But his last song was ALL ABOUT BACON & EGGS. AND HOW BUSH RUINED HIS FAVORITE, SIMPLE MEAL - BACON & EGGS.

The song went as follows:

Bush, you ruined bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.
simple food.
bacon and eggs.
i hate you bacon & eggs because of Bush.
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
One of the 50 states.
bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.
You ruined my bacon and eggs Bush.
You ruined my simple wonderful breakfast.
bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.
bacon and eggs.