I seriously feel my ass getting flatter and wider. I'm getting secretary ass. GOD HELP ME IF I GET SECRETARY ASS. So right now the office is quiet. No one is here except for the only old fart attorney that cracks jokes, but he's in a meeting in his office with the doors closed. All is quiet. The only thing I can hear is the tapping of my key's and the office Rottweiler walking around and breathing. It's peaceful for once - and I'm sitting here eating my steamed edamame with fresh squeezed lemon juice on it (because it tastes so much better this way and it helps me cut down the amount of salt I put on these fuckers) - and I realized something as I'm popping 3 pods in my mouth.
I REALIZED THAT IT IS BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE TODAY. AND I AM STUCK IN AN OFFICE. AND IF I DO NOT DO SOMETHING WITH MY LIFE SOONER THAN LATER I WILL BE STUCK IN AN OFFICE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND I WILL ROT BEHIND A CUBICLE WALL IN AN OLD CHAIR THAT IS NOT COMFORTABLE DOING WORK FOR PEOPLE THAT DO NOT LOVE ME OR COULD EVEN GIVE A SHIT IF I'M ALIVE OR DYING OF THE BUBONIC PLAGUE, AS LONG AS I GET THEIR WORK DONE AND I DO NOT GET IN THEIR WAY IN DOING SO. I WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY. I WILL BECOME DEPRESSED AND MISERABLE LIKE A MAJORITY OF POPULATION IN THE UNITED STATES. I WILL BE UNHEALTHY AND I WILL BE ATTRACTED TO UNHEALTHY THINGS.
Pamela Levy (former CEO of Juicy Couture, the lady that's the "P" in "Juicy Couture, Love G & P") told my dad yesterday that if I needed her help that I should call her, and that as long as I keep my mind focused doing what I love that I will ultimately persevere as long as I don't give up.
So fine, I won't. I need to un-lazy myself and stop worrying about this fucking job. I wanted to leave for school once and the head partner here basically chewed my head off. He said to me, "WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT, YOUR JOB OR YOUR SCHOOL?" So I stayed late that day - longer than I needed to and bascially cried for 3 hours. I should have said, FUCK YOU MY SCHOOL IS MORE IMPORTANT but I was too preconcerned with my paycheck and paying for my horse, my car, my gas, my dog, my this - my that - that I didn't really think twice. Then I realized something... WHO THE FUCK IS HE TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THAT. HE WOULD NOT BE WHERE HE IS TODAY IF IT WERE NOT FOR HIS EDUCATION. HE WOULD BE NOTHING. JUST SOME FAGGOT HANGING OUT IN WEST HOLLYWOOD LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO GIVE HIM MONEY. He set goals and achieved them. He did what he needed to do in life in order to get where he is today. I'm surprised that a person that comes from his background would have the unmitigated gull to hold me back from my dreams - from doing what I need to do with my life. He knows damn well this is not my career, and I will be damned if being a secretary and rotting in this chair, behind this computer is the life for me. I wouldn't be surprised if I croaked one day and no one noticed. Well, Potty might because I wouldn't be responding to his IMs on G-talk. He'd surely come over here eventually and notice that I am a rotting corpse in my chair. He'd probably laugh and think I was just joking until he saw a fly come out of my mouth or something.
No, but really - today I am just dying to be outside. I know I say the sun is overrated but that's because I never see it anymore. I'm turning into a vampire, which is cool and all because now I'm immortal but I sort of miss being human. A regular human. That does things outside. I wonder if those type of humans even exist anymore. I think the last time I saw anything remotely close to the sun I was in a tanning bed 2 weeks ago.
So now that everyone is back in the office - I am going to continue doing what I do best, rotting in this Godforsaken chair.
Maybe one day I'll escape these walls and see the outside world again. Until then, consider me dead.
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