I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. But I'm not ready to announce it yet. It's weird to have announcements to make but not wanting to make them for whatever stupid reason I have in my brain.I'll continue avoiding that announcement by just saying that I was hammered all weekend. Now that school is over (well, I'm taking a course this summer but I'm sans homework for a few weeks), I have given myself permission to be a terrible drunk again - and I'm workin' the crazy drunk thing very well. Go me.
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Haha...I know what it is. :D
Dear Mother:
I'm glad you know what it is. What's even better is your happy face which means you approve. After not listening to you for so many years I'm starting to somewhat listen... Which just means I cleaned my ears. I'm also glad that you always tell me you don't read my blog yet you comment on my blog. I know you call it lurking but it's actually stalking. I know because I don't really live at home anymore this is sort of like your entrance to my awesome life, so I forgive you for your incessant stalking.
Thanks, Truth Out! I appreciate you reading my blog and thinking I'm funny. I guess me being single or not wouldn't matter because if I dated anyone close to my mother's age I promise you that she would go all hormonal psycho bitch and bury said older man alive or give him some sort of very slow and tortured death. If you've seen the movie SE7EN, just know that SLOTH is very similar to what my mother would do. Do NOT mess with a hormonal Cuban woman, especially when it comes to her only daughter. It has BAD NEWS BEARS written all over it. :)
And she's not kidding Truth. I can definitely be the Cuban mom from hell!
Your mother never has to know.
If she finds out, I can reverse the numbers in my age.
I also speak Cuban, so I can charm her.
"Oyé Viejo! Su niña está en los manos de un hombre muy bueno para ella"
Yeah, I've seen SE7EN, and trust me, I can outwit her. I always stay one step ahead of people trying to kill me...
You CAN be the Cuban mom from Hell. But you won't be given a reason to, because I am a gentleman of class, sophistication, and you will love me because Jews are close cousins of loud Cubans.
Truth...you are a brave man. Not only are you talking to a Cuban mom, but my mom's side of the family is Jewish, so you are dealing with a double whammy here...a Jewban. Let's just say I take no prisoners. Old men know better than asking my kid out, plus you may outsmart me, but Uncle Gary is a different ballgame. I don't even mess with Uncle Gary, and he is my brother!
Old men know better. I am not old.
Y'all don't frighten me one bit. I have friends on both side of the law that'll keep you in line while I woo your potty mouth daughter.
LOL...Truth, I work in law, so the law does not scare me. However, you woo my kid, and you will be the one running scared, trust me on this one. Yes, you are old...you are almost as old as her father! :P
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