Picture Post.

Life over the past couple of days... at least what i could capture, anyway.












:)

From bikini to muay practice.

Before anyone bothers to ask, yes, I do work out at home in a regular bra. I figured if I can use it for a bikini top, and if I can also wear it for running around like a maniac while black-out drunk and getting in trouble, I can use it to work out in as well.

I'm in love with muay thai. I guess I should say that I love punching and kicking shit. I love being covered in bruises and having my body constantly hurt. I love being so winded that my lungs burn and I feel like I'm choking on my own spit. I love being drenched in my own sweat. This is seriously all I want to do in my free time. I'm at the point if I never socialize again, I'm totally okay with that, so long as I have a heavy bag to make fuck on.

I guess the point to this post is that I just wanted to reiterate my fucking awesomeness. I guess I can consider myself somewhat gangster now because I officially know how to throw bows. But I'm just a step up above gangster because my bows aren't for dancing, but for actually hurting people in the face. I wonder if I'll ever get to the level of doing competitive muay thai. One of these days I'd love to go ape shit bananas on a bitch. Hopefully I'll get that chance.

I guess in other news, I'm getting a bug up my ass to jump out of an airplane. I don't know what happened to me in recent months that suddenly I'm some combative and adrenaline junky, but I think plane jumping is next on my list of things to do. I said I wanted to do boxing and now I can't picture my life without it. Let's just pray that I don't become addicted to something that crazy. The likelihood of me dying on my first jump is slim since I'll be tandem with a professional, but the more I do it, the greater my chances get. So, once should be enough. Then maybe in the future I'll get in a shark tank. One step at a time.

Makeshift bikini.

Somewhere in my out-of-car living nonsense that I do, I lost my bikini. What's worse is that I JUST got it back last week from a friend's house and it's gone again. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING THAT I AM LOSING MY ONE AND ONLY BIKINI? Clearly I need to invest in more bathing suits if I'm going to be losing them on the regular. Anyway, so while I spent a night at home on Saturday night (and slept on the couch because my room no longer feels like my room anymore), the rents decided to say FUCK YOU and leave me by myself on Sunday, which was Father's Day, because they are assholes. At least I made my dad breakfast, right? I also berated him a bit on Facebook, thank God he has a sense of humor and doesn't mind that I publicly announce that one day he will be a recipient of a Darwin Award and it's completely inevitable. Trust me, my dad has managed to survive a lot of stupidity on his part that should have resulted in death or accidental amputation. Anyway, so I figured tanning would be a great option... Needless to say that I took a pair of shorts and wedged them virtually up my asshole and used a strapless bra and wham, there was my bikini. My tan lines are all screwed up because of of hiking in a sports bra. I burned for the first time in California a few days back while going up the mountain mid-day because my friend is an asshole and showed up 2 hours late for our hike. One day she will learn that TWO HOURS LATE ON HIKING TIME = 25 DEGREE DIFFERENCE. I went through four bottles of water and poured them all over myself. I felt like some sort of Smartwater commercial, only not as pathetic. When I was done with the trail and reached the peak I felt fantastic but I was still a raging bitch that I was hiking in 90+ degree weather. Anyway, here's a picture of the burn... I know the angle is awkward and that's because I was at work going OH MY GOD MY SHOULDER HURTS LIKE A BITCH and that's the best I could do in the bathroom at work to see what's on my shoulder via front shot. So, fuck you if you don't think it's funny.

I think the most eventful thing I did all weekend was make gnocchi from scratch. Sometimes I get a bug up my ass to do things and when I do I must get them done. My mom made the unfortunate mistake of wanting to spend time with me on Saturday because she misses me and she took me shopping to a restaurant supply store in the valley. As I'm filling up my cart with shit I don't need (mostly because I already own everything a serious cook could want), I was like HEY MOM, I NEED TO REPLACE MY RICER SO I'M GETTING THIS and I forced her to buy me a bitchin' ricer that blew away my old one. So, within a few hours of being home I made gnocchi for the old folks. Apparently my gnocchi board is MIA so I left them as adorable little pillows. I tried using a fork to shape them but that cumbersome task is for someone really desperate to make them look as authentic as possible. I figured since mine were light and pillowy I said fuck it on shaping them properly via fork method. Plus, my 'rents could give a rat's ass on how they look so long as they taste delicious. I figured this was relevant to my post some way or another... I guess it really wasn't. I just wanted to share my ridiculously good gnocchi.
I still have a ton to post about, but I need to get my ass going to work. I ended up sleeping in this morning until like 7 and had to get my ass back to the folks house from the north end of the valley so I'm running late today. Normally I'm home before 7 in the morning these days, so, I'm on the slow side today and will probably continue to be for the rest of the day. What's worse is that I did a big hike yesterday and my body is totally sore and I'm doing muay thai tonight. I'm doing muay thai 2-3x a week now and I feel like my body never stops hurting. I suppose that's a good thing. I'll try to get back to posting regularly, I know I've been blogger MIA. I'm working on it. I promise.

Ouch.

I know I've been slacking on the updates. I should be revoked of all blogger-status I once had because I've been severely neglecting blogger world. I mean, it's not like I have a real purpose to this blog anyway. It's just me recording my life and occasionally I rant and rave about my thoughts that don't necessarily make sense. I've been so exhausted lately on so many levels that it's been hard for me to gather my thoughts to blog. It's not even 1 am and I'm struggling to stay awake. I used to suffer from extreme insomnia and now I'm going to bed regularly around midnight and waking up around 6 in the morning. It's weird to be like a normal person, with normal hours, with a normal life and without being caught up in my nutcase brain at 4 am when it has nothing to do other than fester in its own thoughts.

I suppose the reason why I am updating now is because I'm actually home, in my own bed and hanging out with my dog. I don't really spend a whole heck of a lot of time at home anymore. I guess that's sort of part of my BIG announcement, which once again I will not speak of in this post. I like the elusiveness of it all. Anyway, so I'm home tonight because I did muay thai earlier and opted to stay here. Now I can't seem to shut off my brain to sleep so here I am, half asleep, cranky, bloated, crampy and blogging. I'll end this post for now and continue some other day.

My paper came back in the mail.

Remember that bitch of a paper I was venting about for my history class? Or maybe I didn't write about it because I've been too busy in la-la land. Anyway, my final for my history class was a gigantic research paper. I put it off until the last 24 hours were winding down. I finished it with half an hour to spare and I didn't even edit it. Here's my professor's commentary:

People wonder why I love myself so damn much. It's probably because I pull straight A's with minimal effort. I need a MENTAL CHALLENGE IN MY LIFE. This professor is actually a professor at UCLA and she's going to give me a letter of recommendation. That, in conjunction with my honors courses that are guaranteed admittance to UCLA, I'm fairly certain that in the near future I will finally be getting the challenges that I need. For now, I coast on minimal effort. My bosses tell me that I shouldn't settle for anything less than Berkeley because I'm Cal material, or so they say... (they're all Cal guys, I suppose they know best) - but we'll see.

I still haven't made my announcement because I am a slacker and a retard. I may wait a bit longer to announce it but whatever. Let me just say that NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT. But it really is a big announcement. :)

Photos.

Entirely too lazy to update.

BARF.

I didn't know one could overdose on grilled veggies. I guess when you eat the equivalent to 4 Mexican squash, 2 red onions, 3 bunches of baby green onions and 2 bell peppers and attempt to get up, you wonder why suddenly you feel like passing out on the floor might be the best option.

Sometimes it sucks being entirely too full, too lazy and too almost-barf to update. I keep thinking my brain will click on and something funny will happen and it's just not happening. So, fuck all of you. Goodnight.

What a fucking mess.

I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE. But I'm not ready to announce it yet. It's weird to have announcements to make but not wanting to make them for whatever stupid reason I have in my brain.

I'll continue avoiding that announcement by just saying that I was hammered all weekend. Now that school is over (well, I'm taking a course this summer but I'm sans homework for a few weeks), I have given myself permission to be a terrible drunk again - and I'm workin' the crazy drunk thing very well. Go me.

What a bunch of cry babies.

Oh for fuck's sake. If I would have known my parents that stalk my blog would call me an antisemitic bitch and complain about what a terrible human I am about my kosher rant I probably would have clarified myself a bit better. I offered to wear a Star of David for a week but that only made matters worse.

Look, the reality is that I don't just hate Judaism. I hate ALL religion. The reason I chose Judaism to bitch about yesterday is because I believe in equal opportunity eating which means EAT EVERYTHING and rules for food declared by God are for the weak minded and anorexic. I THINK RELIGION IS A BUNCH OF SHIT AND IF THERE IS A GOD, HE WOULD NOT CHOOSE ONE GROUP OF BELIEVERS TO GO INTO HEAVEN AND EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING TO HELL. How is it that religion has NOT been transposed for political gain or for one to be seen as some sort of diacritical entity over the centuries? Just because religions are composed of lies in a sick and twisted game of telephone that has lasted entire too long means it must be true? The reality is that if you believe in religion you believe in something that cannot be proven to be true. If you're going to sit here and argue that it is true, then clearly you are the biggest moron on the face of the Earth because THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY YOU CAN PROVE THAT GOD, OR THAT YOUR RELIGION, WHATEVER THAT MAY BE, IS TRUE AND CORRECT AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT ISN'T A PART OF YOUR CULT IS WRONG. The reality is that if there is a Heaven, and if there is a Hell, the good will go where they belong and the bad will go where they belong. I think I'm such a despicable person that I will not be accepted into Hell and if I am I will be given the title as the Devil's Sex Slave because the Devil would thoroughly enjoy me in every single way possible. In essence, I'm only saying that I hate all religion and I hate people who adhere to stupid rules about food that make no sense. That's all. So if you think I hate Jews more than I hate people of other religions, you're dead wrong. I hate everyone equally - and that's the bottom line.

So.

I haven't slept in my own bed in weeks. I feel like I live out of my car and that's fine because I prefer the nomad lifestyle. I miss my dog a lot so I've been obsessively taking pictures with her when I am home. My mom complains that she "sleeps like a swastika" because my dog forces her to sleep in a position where you'd look at her and instantly think of Jewish genocide. I would feel bad for her but quite frankly, I think it's hilarious. I'm hoping one of these days I come home and find her in a Nazi uniform and watch her try blame it on my dog some way or another. Sometimes I forget that I have a ton of Jewish blood in me (as in, my grandma is an Auschwitz survivor) and although I should probably embrace that stupid religion, I wish I could bleed myself of it. I think Judaism is the dumbest religion on the planet. My reason for sincerely disliking Judaism is because Kosher eating is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Kosher Jews WASTE half of a perfectly good cow because it's not Kosher. This angers me greatly and I don't think any cow should have to die for half of it to get thrown away. Let's not even go into not eating pork (well, lots of religions are guilty of this but they don't waste HALF of a cow), not eating shell fish (HELLO, ARE YOU CRAZY?!?!?), not eating meat with cheese is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of and clearly Jews have terrible palates because if you have never experienced a Cuban sandwich then should probably just die... The whole idea of owning two separate tableware spreads because of said meat and cheese rule is clearly for the rich and stupid. Look, the reality is that I don't care who the fuck you worship because it's all bullshit anyway. Religion has been transposed by the wrong hands over the centuries to control you and keep you ignorant. It's when religion crosses into food that it pisses me off. So I suppose I hate all religions. It's just Judaism that makes me the angriest. Come to think of it, the funniest thing ever is when I say "Ginger Israeli" to Jamie and he automatically shakes his fist in fury. It's like Trey Parker is living in his head. I keep threatening him with the promise of a ginger Israeli. It's like I'm asking to die South Park style with disembowelment and lots of vomits.

I guess the point to this post is just to post. I need to watch what I say on here now that MY BOSSES STALK MY BLOG. I guess that's okay because they're awesome people that probably need mental help. I mean, if one takes the time to actually read my blog then clearly they need mental help. It's obvious that my bosses need mental help if they read this. I DO NOT CARE IF THEY READ THIS TO BETTER THEIR OWN LIVES TO TALK SHIT TO ME ABOUT MY BLOG. THE POINT IS THAT THEY READ MY BLOG AND THEREFORE THEY ARE COMPLETELY BATSHIT CRAZY. Love you guys. Really.