ya no te veo, ya no te quiero.

Fail. Pure blog fail.

Sometimes I get a stick up my ass to blog about something but then I open this fucking thing and the words get lost. It's not even so much of a lack of things to write about, but rather the inability to put emotions or thoughts into words. Sometimes I can't even put a straight thought together in my own head. Maybe that's just a brain fail.

I opened this blog without even looking at my previous blogs. I don't know where I left off, when I blogged last or if I have posted anything of value since my last blog. I'll assume probably not since nothing has happened in who knows how long that's really post worthy. Other than me being like HEY I'M NOT FATSO ANYMORE everything else is the same. Not that it even matters because no one reads this anymore. I actually prefer that. I'd like this blog being public without it being constantly scrutinized. Believe it or not I've slowed down from the Facebook world as well. Yes, I'm still on it all the time but my updates are radically slowing down. Ideally I'd like to remove myself from the entire internet world, but that probably won't happen. The best I can do is lurk and blog anonymously, but even that will take time. I'm like a really bad addict trying to rehabilitate myself. I can't cold turkey without relapsing. I just need to make a conscious effort to slow... slow... slow down until it's dwindled to nearly nil. What a fucked up goal in life.

Waking up this morning I felt different. Maybe my own Berlin was torn down in my sleeps. I'm not sure. Less conflict and more clarity. But I woke up and the way I once processed my thoughts and feelings switched to reverse and I find myself back to square one. Sorta like my hard drive was wiped clean, although I'm positive my brain is still viral. Last time I found myself feeling like this, bad things happened. Really bad things. Cruel and unusual punishment to the mind fucking degree that were probably unwarranted, but I don't care. I guess once my brain shuts off, it shuts off. The switch is broken and cannot be replaced. All you can do is tear it down and rebuild. The problem is trying to build something out of a pile of shit --- Worse, REBUILDING something out of a used pile of shit. It's just not worth it. Doesn't that sound absolutely terrible? It does to me.

Enough of my ramble. I'm not even making sense to myself anymore.

I saw Transformers 3. I'm not sure whether I liked it because it was actually a good story or because they got rid of that cunt Megan Fox so therefore I liked it. Maybe it was a combination of the two. I am stupidly attached to that Bumble Bee transformer and every time I think it's going to get killed I get really sad. Sorry if you haven't seen it but GOOD NEWS! He doesn't die. I hope I only partially ruined it for you.

Oh, and I'm going to Utah next week or something. Whatever.