Adventures.

I have a shit load of pics from Utah. I am entirely too lazy to post all of them on one post so I'll just extend them out per blog entry. That's me in the white shirt with the camelback over my head. That hike was awesome and I ate shit 3 times in the water slipping over rocks with my expensive ass water shoes on. So much for supreme grip. Even better, there were a few parts entirely too deep for my short ass and I had to swim it. Even better than that is the gigantic German who passed me saying I was too short for the hike but in really broken English. Thanks German dude, I'm well aware of my midgetness. Turns out I survived hiking in a river and my lack of altitude didn't effect me too much. I'm Cuban, us Cuban folk have been supreme swimmers since the 60s.

Now I have a bug up my ass to climb Mt. Whitney. I figure if my fatso Dad did it in the 70s then I can do it today. I'm pretty sure that bastard has never been in shape. Sometimes I ask my mom why she married him because she was pretty good looking before she got fat, too. Then she's like "well he was nice" and I'm like yeah but he's fugs and flabby. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad a lot but we wouldn't call him Danny Darwin if there wasn't a reason for it. Sometimes I look at him and I get pissed at her for procreating with someone that looks like Shrek, knowing full well that I could have come out looking like his mini Shrek-looking mother and that could have meant 100k in plastic surgery on her end to fix me for doing something so dumb. Every morning I look in the mirror and although I will never be satisfied with myself I am just thankful that I did not come out looking like my Hungarian side of the family. What terrible looking people, for real. I'm just glad my dad is also half Cuban whose family is good looking so that put me on the decent scale. It also gave me the fat gene but I've been battling it by living the paleolithic lifestyle. You know, walking up mountains and eating berries, greens and meat. That's the key to NOT being a fatso Cuban: Go for a damn walk up a mountain and put down the mojito, fried plantain and cigar.

I'm not sure how the bug up my ass to climb Mt. Whitney turned into a rant about my fatso family and bad Hungarian genes but it did. Fuck it. My point is that I'm going to climb that mountain. Permits are sold out for the summer so I guess unless I get into a lottery to get a permit I will have to wait until next summer. There's NO FUCKING WAY I plan on climbing that mountain in the winter or early spring months. Fuck no. I have some big balls for a miniature female but not that big. I'd like to minimize the possibility of me dying via avalanche or lose a limb to frostbite. Nope, not happening.

Oh, by the way, I feel seriously sorry for anyone whose life is composed of nothing but shopping malls and clubs. The more I explore the world and see nature's beauty the more I feel sorry for shallow people. Shallow people, go kill yourselves. No one needs you.