I told you so.

Sometimes being right is really bittersweet. Sometimes you really wish the best for a person despite your absolute disdain for said person because it's bad ju-ju to wish ill upon a person you once cared about. Combine concrete gossip into that mix, one can't help but laugh at the series of events that have taken place over said amount of time. I hate laughing when I'm right over something so terrible. But at the same time, I would never do what this person has done in order to keep a down-right cunt. I wish I could have sugarcoated that but I can't. A cunt is a cunt and there's no way around it. My rekindled friendships over the past few weeks with people that were basically family to me at one point in time really warms my heart in many ways, knowing how much I was missed and how much they cared, but saddens me under the circumstances in which they came back to me. Granted I ripped myself away from these old friendships because of the circumstances at the time, but now what I'm hearing really makes me question the integrity of one person in particular. It makes me question so much more than what's on the surface. The insecurity behind the lies and the search for validity within them, it's all so transparent to me and I hate it. I shouldn't care anymore, but I do in a way, mostly because everything I once knew was one elongated lie.

I sit here and laugh because I was right. I was right from the beginning. I was right from the moment this telenovela started. People don't change overnight and someone else can't force you to do things you once stood against so strongly. You can't be someone you're not out of sheer loneliness and codependency. You can't kiss your lifestyle and all your friends goodbye for a person that's a complete hypocrite. Your friends who stood by you through thick and thin, that may not be doctors and lawyers as apparently everyone needs to be, but people who are really incredible people deep down. You essentially said FUCK YOU to them, for a person who demeaned all your friends and their lifestyle when that was you. You were them. You changed for a person who hated who you truly were and that's no way to live. To become what is essentially a project, to become a person who can't think for yourself, to become a person who is so desperate for something that doesn't exist, to become something for someone else because you wanted something so badly. That, right there in itself, is not real. You were never good enough in the first place then, and maybe you should realize that. That's not necessarily a bad thing, either. Be true to yourself. Live the dream you spoke of. Be the person that you said you were when I questioned your integrity to your face. Be the person you said you could and don't prove me right anymore. I hate being right, and I hate knowing that to this day I still know you better than you know yourself.

Situations like the one I speak of above reminds me each and every single day how absolutely lucky I am. I have the greatest people in my life. I have the most wonderful, loving and supportive family anyone could ever want. I have the greatest friends I could ever ask for, most of them being in my life for over a decade and so many that will be there in the upcoming decades. I have a new adopted family with Paragon, and I couldn't be more thankful for introducing me to this sport and how much I love it. I have an incredible boyfriend who cares for me, exactly as I am, and doesn't want to change me. He and I will go through hardships in the future, as he's military, but I am confident that we will make it through it all. I have the most incredible opportunity coming my way as of January and I wouldn't be pursuing this dream if it weren't from the influence and guidance of my close friend Seamus, to whom I am so thankful for. I am a lucky person. I feel like it took a lot of hurt and downfalls to get to where I am today, but without the people in my life who love me, I wouldn't be here. All I can do from here is keep going up. No one will ever tear me down again.