Sagia Castaneda, move over...

By far, Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week. Every Tuesday after class I meet up with friends at one of my favorite restaurants in the Valley. My love for this restaurant goes beyond the love of the food. My love for this restaurant is that I love every single person that works there. With its hippie atmosphere, it's a great place to just come and unwind, laugh and have fun without a worry in the world. I started going because one of my best friends works there and overtime I made friends with the wait staff, the owner's sons and other regular customers. Now, every single Tuesday I lose my mind being anxious the whole day until it's time for me to go. Today was like every Tuesday where I was pissing my pants waiting to get there. One of my best girlfriends, Jocelyn, comes every Tuesday and today was probably one of the most hilarious days I've had with her there. Well, for me it was hilarious - not so much for her.

Jocelyn is this petite little firecracker that's hard to not just love. She's gorgeous, witty, hilarious and TOTALLY batshit crazy. I have more nicknames for her than I should ever have for a person and all of them come with stories I can't post on this blog because I know she reads this and she WILL kill me. Just know that I have compromising photos of her that when she gets famous one day I will use them against her for all her millions. Come to think of it, I have entirely too many compromising photos of a lot of my friends. As it turns out, I officially never need to seriously get a job because I know at least a few of my friends will be famous and the ones that will be I can guarantee I have nudes of. My e-mail inbox will be worth millions in due time.

For months, I've been telling her that she has too many idiot friends in her life and she needs to colon cleanse herself of all of them and shit them out of her life. I've honestly never met a person that gets walked all over as much as her by idiotic friends that do nothing but cause trouble in her life. I used to feel bad for her but now I'm like HEY, I TOLD YOU TO HERMITIZE YOURSELF, THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR NOT LISTENING TO ME AND LEAVING YOUR HERMIT SHELL TO HANG OUT WITH IDIOTS THAT DON'T UNDERSTAND THE FUNDAMENTALS OF FRIENDSHIPS. Anyway... So today she ordered her favorite veggie wok thing she always gets. It comes to her piping hot, piled high with veggies and she's literally ear to ear in smiles. She's literally saying how excited she is over all the veggies, how great the dish looks and smells. She's burning her mouth because she can't contain herself enough to blow on a hot veggie... She's in veggie wok heaven. Suddenly, phone rings. Of course, it's one of her dumbass friends that I do not approve of. I'm not kidding, she went from HAPPIEST GIRL ON THE PLANET WITH HER VEGGIE WOK TO RAGING PISSED OFF BITCH in less than 10 seconds. I don't remember exactly what happened with her friend, I just know her friend is an idiot and I learned how to tune out her complaints about her guy friends because I hate them all and they should probably all die a terrible death - but she finally figured out I'm tuning her out and turns over to her veggie wok that was making her the happiest girl on the planet to FUCK ALL THESE VEGGIES, THERE ARE TOO MANY VEGGIES, FUCK THIS and slams her fork down.

I literally dropped my cup of coffee, spit out everything that was in my mouth and just about pissed my pants in laughter. She got mad at me because I was rolling on the floor and laughing at her. I say to her, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW CRAZY YOU SOUND SCREAMING TO THE VEGGIES ON YOUR PLATE THAT YOU WANT THEM TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY OF THEM?

If someone could please provide me with the name, phone number and address where I can pick up an IV drip of happy drugs with a remote control that I can keep from a distance, please let me know. I'm not sure if I can even associate with someone anymore that gets pissed off at veggies on her plate.

I guess it was one of those "you had to have been there" type of moments, but the fact of the matter is that the girl got mad at vegetables that she literally a second beforehand was just saying how happy she was with them. I'm not even sure that can be considered bipolarism. I'm not sure how to classify that. Looney bin material, that's for sure. Sorry, Jocelyn - you know it's true.

Aside from my crazy friend - and all her problems with her crazy friends - Somewhere inside of me decided to get gutsy and take a butt shot. I've had a few people in my life tell me I should do like sexy photoshoots with my butt being the focus - because we all know that Cuban girls have big butts. I even have a friend that's a really fantastic photographer tell me he'd love to do it and to let him know when. I'm thinking pictures similar to what you'd see from Vida Guerra or Sagia Castaneda. So, here, enjoy - a Cuban ass.