Bitch.

I suppose for being a very bloated cranky bitch and finding every excuse under the sun to eat EXTREMELY SALTY and fattening things while being sick for a week, I'm not looking as bad as I thought I would have. Now that I'm feeling better it's back to work out mode. I get asked a lot what I did food wise to drop the fat girl weight and be my old weight again and the trick is ample amounts of booze in conjunction with caffeine and not eating late at night. I pretty much eat what I want and because I'm fairly knowledgeable when it comes to nutrition and what I put in my mouth, I'm able to portion control with my eyes and I avoid fried crap and sugars. I don't need books and recipes. I HAVE MY WONDERFUL BRAIN THAT TELLS ME IMPORTANT THINGS THAT SHOULD BE COMMON KNOWLEDGE TO EVERYONE. I will admit about once a month I treat myself with In & Out well-done, animal style fries or I fry things for myself in duck fat but otherwise I don't REALLY watch what I eat. Calorie counting is for suckers. Just be mindful, it's really that simple. I must also admit I don't even work out all that hard, either. I'm not running miles and miles and miles or doing some sort of strenuous activity for hours and hours. I'm partly lazy and partly athletic and I somehow am able to translate that into getting my ass up and either dancing or hiking. That's pretty much all I do. I know you all REALLY care, so this is why I wrote this.

To continue my awesomeness, the semester is almost over and I'm being a slacker. Right now I should be writing a paper due tomorrow but there's not enough pressure on me right now to get it done. That aside, I have an A in this class that my paper is due in and there's pretty much nothing I can do that will severely impact that grade other than bomb my take-home final which is a 12 page research paper. I do not write anything less than an A paper with minimal effort, so my concern is at zero. The final won't get handed out until the 26th so I have a week to slack off in this class before I need to hunker down and give a shit. I have essentially locked in great grades in all my classes minus math because I hate math and although I will pass it probably with a high C or low B, I should have put in a hell of a lot more effort than I did. It's completely my fault for not doing as well as I know I could have. It seems like when I try to do math I get completely ADD and all I hear is FUCK MATH repeating over and over in my head. It's not that I am incapable of doing it and it's not that I don't understand it, it's the fact that I really, truly do not care about it and even adderall cannot help me.

As a side note, I've been listening to a lot of classical piano music lately. I've been somewhat melancholy about not playing piano the way I used to. I was listening to Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" (the real piece, not the simplified version for new piano players composed of a handful of notes) and it was blowing my mind how I used to play that when I was a kid and now if/when I have the ability to sit at a piano I can't play it anymore. I was classically trained for years and years for fuck's sake. In retrospect, I should have listened to my parents (once again) and continued the formal lessons. I guess after 12 years of being forced to play, I got over it. I was just completely burnt out. So of course I miss it now.

I know I said back in January I had my eye on a beautiful Steinway baby grand but sadly I don't think I want to make the investment in a baby grand when there's a list of other wants and needs that take priority. That, and I also got severely sidetracked by a few things so all this time passed without me making a decision on it. I'm going to go back to the piano store this weekend and see if I can find an upright Steinway at a decent price. Nothing sounds better than Steinway, and I would rather support an American company that has valued its employees since the company was founded. Anyway, while digging for beautiful compositions I stumbled upon "Requiem for a Dream" and I cannot stop listening to it for the life of me. I will learn to play it as soon as I get a piano which now that I have this in my head, will be significantly sooner than later. I NEED to to learn how to play this so I can stop driving myself crazy with it. Click the link below. Enjoy.

"Requiem for a Dream" on piano.