...

Do you see what I see?

Change: It's what you're willing to sacrifice for, right?

Sometimes I open this thing and I don't even know what the Hell I want to talk about, or even, if I should be writing anything at all. Then my mind goes off on some fucking tangent before I can even catch up to my first thought typed into this fucking thing, so then i'm stuck without a straight flow of thought and I feel moronic. This is when I should start to take ADD medication into consideration. It might do me some good. It might also curb my appetite and help me adopt anorexia which could be sorta cool, too. I've always wanted to look emaciated without actually starving, completely taking for granted the wide availability of food. I also want some slaves. Just thought I'd throw that out there if I'm talking about emaciation. You too can put two and two together. Smokey the bear says so.

With that said, I leave you with this lovely picture of a troll.

Chicharrones.

It's been a long time since I've updated. I don't even know where the Hell I left off, or why I even stopped blogging, but I do know that not much has happened other than I learned that I hate human contact and I'm sick of politics, especially when people say REALLY stupid things that for one, do not make any sense and secondly, could never happen under ANY administration, no matter what party. I also discovered that I love mac computers and the program PHOTOBOOTH even though it gives me a mega-Jennifer Aniston chin. Or maybe my chin really is that big and I never noticed until it was embossed in bright colors.

In good or bad news, however you decide to take it, I'm selling my horse. I've decided I don't want to be like certain people in my life that are in their late 20's and/or early 30's that live at home and are constantly broke and do absolutely nothing with their lives other than bitch how broke and miserable they are. I see myself headed in that path because I spent nearly my entire paychecks on my stupid horse and I'm over it. At least I'm sane enough to choose a clear path of NO MORE HORSEY DEBT by selling my horse. If you're reading this and wanting to buy my horse, she's priced in the mid-five figures so don't bother asking anything about her unless you have a good amount of cash to spend. With said cash I'm moving my fat ass and my dog's fat ass to a foreign country, living in a mud hut on the beach, spear fishing or hunting wild boar for my food and somehow will manage to mooch WIFI from someone.


I also want to open up a hole in the wall burger joint.
I want to have open competitions for lardy people to come in and participate in the Death Burger Challenge. Basically, it's you eat my burgers until you die and no, we will not call 9-1-1. That's the point. It's basically like a delicious suicide. I'm sure in today's economy people are looking for a way out. So instead of taking the lives of your family (*is reminded of that asshole in the valley that kills his family*), just kill yourself by drowning yourself in saturated fats. So anyway, meet Death Burger in the above picture. Actually, that's only the half-sized Death Burger. The full-sized is a grilled cheese sandwich, with more cheese, meat, meat, more meat, bacon slices, a huge pile of fritas (which are like hashbrowns), more meat, lots of homemade thousand island spread and another grilled cheese sandwich. It's probably somewhere around 3,000 calories at the very minimum. There are no vegetables in in other than the pickles in the thousand island dressing and the tomato used in the ketchup for the thousand island dressing. This is strictly a fat ass burger and should not give anyone a reason to eat it by saying there's at least vegetables in it... But I will make an exception to grilled onions but that's IT, only because they taste delicious and not for nutritional value because there really isn't any in grilled onions.

Well, since both assisted suicide by death burger and moving to a remote location where no one could find me is completely unattainable right now, I will be like the rest of the world and bitch and moan about everything that isn't handed to me on a silver platter.

Crash.

100 miles an hour,
nowhere to go,
left between the ocean and the sun,
gripping the wheel tightly,
don't let me go.
reflections in the distance,
i wish we could have grown.
shadows growing on rocky walls,
these giants racing near,
full speed ahead.
just a straight road
did you see me?
moments of rage feed me,
the wind pulling my long hair,
you can do it baby,
just seek the air.
my tires are burning,
my world is turning,
i may not be returning,
could you please be more discerning.
tears from my eyes,
shaking so violently,
it's hard to keep my grip.
my destination draws near,
green eyes are shutting,
clouds of dust spinning from the back wheels,
did i do the right thing?
falling so quickly,
my hands above my heart,
just waiting to win.
i did it,
i'm crashing,
there will be no more clashing,
this will be the final slashing,
white and yellow lights are dimly flashing.
waves of blue and gold to wrap me in.
my chest is breaking,
the cold is taking,
this was long in the making,
did you want to run me so thin?
i watched myself fade,
my lips have gone blue,
once olive skin has turned white.
deeper and deeper the descend
the sun has lost its incandescence
forever lost,
a soulless way,
eternally strapped to the cold,
will you miss me now that i'm gone?

Cafe Con Leche.

People have been asking me lately what's been up with my MySpace status blurbs about cafe con leche. If you are not latin through and through, you probably don't know what cafe con leche is or means. And if you were not lucky enough to have a mother or a grandmother that force fed you a caffeine addiction from the moment you were stripped of the bottle, then you definitely don't know what the significance of CAFE CON LECHE is. Cafe con leche is exactly as it translates, "coffee with milk." However, ANYONE of Latin decent knows that cafe con leche is different than your average fucking coffee with cream. It's espresso that's been deeply steeped and then whipped in WARMED heavy cream and sugar. It's smoother than a latte and a bit heavier than a cappuccino. It is heaven in a glass and there is something wrong with you if you are a coffee lover and do not prefer THIS over ANYTHING.

So anyway, being the GOOD Cuban that I really am, I'm currently living off of cafe con leche. If I could honestly just drink this shit all day long and never eat, I would be happy. But then I get all jittery and fucking nutso to the point where a straitjacket would be necessary and it's not so fun. I guess I will ingest some beans or garlic something periodically.

Anyway, so today I had a good laugh when a friend mine to call me to bitch about this girl I absolutely loathe and how she's going to rip her a new one. SURPRISE, SURPRISE. I swear I didn't have money riding on this, really. I would like that check written out to PRINCESS PINCHE, thank you. So the point in why I can't stand this girl is because she was a complete fake from the get-go. I put up with his fakery and her copy-cat antics for a long time until shit started getting whacky from what different parties were telling me so I was just over it. I probably talked more shit than I should have been at least I can say all of it was true. In all of this, what doesn't make sense to me is that said fatso girl said she was Cuban. Well, it turns out her dad isn't really her dad and adopted her when she was a teenager or some shit but somehow she's still Cuban in there somewhere, maybe layered between some cinnamon rolls and milk shakes but I don't how it's possible. It's essentially a long twisted story of bullshit and more fakery than I can handle but when you have ZERO positive impact on my life well then you can just kill yourself for all I care. The reason I am writing this is because said 10,000 calorie shake loving girl lied to me about Cuban and my Cubanism is the reason why I am writing this post in the first place.

Being Cuban isn't just what's on your family tree. It's about being raised a certain way, being around loud and fiery people that mold your personality into something absolutely fucking batshit crazy - accepting it and loving it. Cubans wear their hearts on their sleeves and their pride on their chests. Because there are so few of us scattered throughout the U.S., unless we're in little Cuba (Miami), we tend to bond right away and just know each other's lives because we're all so stereotypical. We love each other and just GET each other. If you walk into a room of Cubans and EVERYONE IS SCREAMING you know that it's just casual conversation, even though eyes are bulged and about to pop out of their sockets and hands are up in the air. In otherwords, every Cuban is hated by their non-Cuban "I don't get it" neighbor. We have an undying love of fried plantains and garlic and we can't explain why it needs to be accompanied in EVERY meal other than "it's really fucking good." Sometimes I wonder how I go about daily life without having a platter of fried platanos, BOTH savory and sweet. And if you have to ask if there are two ways to fry plantains you might as well just stab your eyes and stop reading my blog. Being Cuban is about looking forward to eating dinner late at night, drinking your materba even though it tastes like horsepiss mixed ginger ale, enjoying mojitos, coconut ice cream, playing dominos while alternating between chewing chunks of sugar cane and smoking cigars, never losing at poker and when you do you want to throw the table out the window, being argumentative, loud, overly friendly and lacking all reasoning as to why you're so sexually charged all the time. Lastly and most importantly, being Cuban is about your family and spending time with them. This would be why my abuelita STILL rules the roost even though she doesn't live with me anymore (I miss her living with us.)

And what's great is that after listing everything - I can honestly say I don't blame that ulta creepy girl for lying about being Cuban. We are a pretty fucking awesome breed of human. I'm glad we're a rarity and that the Puerto Ricans strive to be just like us. (insert evil grin here).

So I guess all I have to say is... CUBA LIBRE!!!!

I smell like a garlic patch.

... I really do...

I haven't posted in a long time. I figure I'm long over due for a post - not that I have "readers" or anything, but because sometimes it's nice to get things out out of my mind.

Last night I went to see the Sex and the City movie with my lovely KB. Sometimes I forget how much I miss the series being on TV. Unfortunately I missed the first few seasons of it on TV, so a few years ago I was sick with a bad flu and my mom rented me the first two or three seasons and all I did was watch it for the days I was sick... and then repeated on some of my favorite episodes.

I had such a fab time with KB. I wish I could see more of her. If I didn't drive a gas hog and gas wasn't 298317982173982173921739217398217398217 dollars per gallon I'd go to movies with her all the time. On the way home from the movie, I had a lot of quiet time to myself and I got to thinking how lucky I am to have someone like her in my life. We've had some great convos lately about what the true definition of a friend is - and if you have to question yourself if someone is your friend or not, then clearly you have your answer. That's something that shouldn't EVER cross one's mind. That's called an acquaintance, or maybe someone you like to party with occasionally, but that doesn't classify someone as a friend, much less a true to the heart friend. I need to spend some time slowly weaning myself away from people and being open with people that do nothing for me. There are a lot of people out there that do nothing but help me consume alcohol, but never contribute anything to my heart, mind or soul. A true friend is a form of extended family, someone you should be able to trust completely and entirely. The expression "you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends" is the best way to put it. If you choose to surround yourself with toxic friends, or careless/meaningless friends, or friends that are not honest with you, then that's completely your choice. I've come to realize recently that I have one too many of those that fall into those categories in my life - and it's time to weed them out. As Dom's eldest sister said to me the other day, it's like "having high school relationships" and she's right. I've tried to give some people the benefit of the doubt, but time and time again people prove me wrong so I'm through with them. No mas, no bueno.

I'm just very thankful I have some special people in my life. Besides my family and my boyfriend (did I mention it's my 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY TODAY?) - I am really fortunate to have a handful of some seriously special people in my life. 3 I have known for 12+ years - and those three absolutely know who they are and what they mean to me, after everything we've been through together over the years. One special person I've known for 3+ years - but with her I feel like I've known her forever. We met randomly, got along fabulously, randomly re-met and continued to get along fabulously. OKAY so one absolutely stupid and ugly fight over what was essentially a misunderstanding, with two big egos clashing - that didn't work so well but CLEARLY in the end of it all we could not NOT want to talk to each other. But she's probably the warmest, smartest, quirkiest (in a good and fun way), outrageous person I know in all possible ways and I LOVE her for it. She's honest and loving - and that's so rare to find in a person and I'm lucky to have her in my life. If only more people were anywhere near being a faction of the person she is, the world would probably be a better place. :)

I guess I'm long over-due.

I haven't updated in a while. It's probably because my life isn't really all that interesting as of lately. I've noticed I've been gaining weight some how, some way - although I've been eating all the right foods, working out and doing all that shit. I think right now I'm in a transitional stage. I think right now I'm GAINING muscle and slowly losing fat. My measurements have stayed about the same from when I initially lost a bunch of weight, however, I've seen major impacts on my legs, arms and stomach when it comes to seeing muscle. It's there. It's coming along. My ass is getting bigger... I think because I will NEVER burn the fat on my ass and the muscle I'm gaining is just making it larger and larger. Whatever. I'm working towards my goal and that's all that matters. I can't expect to be SuPeR HoTtT over night. I'm still thinking an at home liposuction kit would be fucking great though.

Anyway.

So I have gone swimming the past two days in a row. It's strange because I haven't gone swimming in YEARS. I mean. I think the last time I went swimming I was somewhere around the age of 16. I figure I should probably swim at least 3 days a week, run 3 days a week and add in some other cardio and resistance training in there somewhere.

In other news, I got rear ended today. Some fucking idiot decided to try to squeeze his car between the little gap of my truck and the center island on Thousand Oaks Blvd. I mean, what a fucking tool bag. He was so impatient he couldn't wait for a green light so he could turn left, he had to try to attempt to squeeze in his stupid fuck little car to get into a left turning lane. GOD. What a tool. Whatever, my dad called him Osama Bin Laden when he came to give me the information I didn't have. Apparently the officer thought it was FUCKING HILARIOUS and I'm also happy that I had my pinche Karepack Katie and my pinche "Bye Pooter" Michele with me. Michele flashing her tits to the officer made me almost pee my pants. I think Katie DID pee her pants. She has a habit of peeing in my truck so it's all possible.

And I have to get my lazy ass up to work tomorrow and uh, I don't want to.

I'll update more. I promise.