and i am, what i am, and i am, a trainwreck.

I think I've said this before, but a combination of being stoned and drunk is probably the most pain-numbing, relaxing feeling one could ever ask for - without being in a total comatose state and still being able to enjoy oneself. They key is to pace out the drinking and stoning - so that you get to yourself to where you're comfortable and happy, without going insane and throwing shit or wanting to puke on yourself. That's no fun. Do it right - relax and enjoy yourself. uh-huh.

Tonight at Nate's I decided tonight was one of the few nights that I leave my house and do one (much less both) things. Nate's house is a play pen... With all the toys, building blocks, coloring books and anything else a big kid could ask for. It also comes with fog machines, strobe lights, good music and fun people. The only thing that it is missing is a stripper pole and I would be really super stoked if he got one. I'm hoping Nate will read this, get inspired and go out and buy one. I'll practice until I can give Felix Cane a run for her money.

Somewhere mid-stone and off in lala thinking land, I realized that I try to think of too much stuff at once when I'm stoned. The problem is that if I'm drinking, I'm unable to process it deeply enough, especially long enough to write it down. That gets on my nerves. I like writing about everything I'm thinking about. The problem is if I get stoned without alcohol I can't let loose and enjoy myself. I put on the thinking cap until it's melted into my brain and I'm in over analyzing morbid Hell and I can't just enjoy my thoughts. I need to find a happy balance between the two. However, I did manage to text my mom of all people about some Cuban food-inspired ideas for new dishes. At least I have some ideas from tonight to work off of. Otherwise, all my deep thoughts I had tonight have been thrown out the window. Writing this blog with my headphones on and blasting 3oh!3 doesn't help, either. Whatever.

In other news, I made fucking delicious drunken clams for dinner and homemade kalamata olive bread rolls. This means that shin splints or not, I'm running tomorrow... mainly because I followed everything with some ice cream. it's true. deep down, i am a really fat person.

Cycles.

I guess now that I'm bound to my bed I should update until I am healed. I think at the slow rate I'm healing at, I might be out of commission for a number of weeks. Now that I had accustomed myself to an active lifestyle, I get restless laying around with ice on my legs all day. I find myself getting anxious sitting around. I even did 100 something crunches tonight to expel some energy. I think I did them wrong and will somehow make myself fatter, but doing so got rid of some extra energy for a short amount of time. I later found myself playing with coconut cream and other miscellaneous items I found in the cupboard. As it turns out, there's a lot I can do with coconut cream. All I need is an ice cream maker and I will retire myself from running. That way I can be fat and happy.

I stole some of my dad's darvocets and have been cutting them in quarters, taking a quarter of a pill every 4-5 hours. It works relatively well without making me miserable and sick like taking a whole pill would. I should probably to go the doctor and get my own, but that would take effort. Stealing the same pills she would give me means I save time and money. I prefer the effortless and free approach to drug use. I figure if you have to spend money on drugs, then either you're not a good enough druggie or you're really terrible looking. Smart druggies and good looking druggies should either be clever at stealing them or have ugly people wanting to give them to you.

Since I'm not really awesome looking I steal from my dad. It makes me feel like I'm 15 years old and obviously I'm lazy. The good news is that I only have a slight tingling feeling in my shins/knees versus pain that makes me want to cut limbs off. Somehow I feel like cutting off my limbs all together will release the pressure in my legs and that the rushing of blood all over my bed and floor will somehow make things better. Clearly, I am very morbid.

Last night I was up until almost 4 in the morning and I'm using more ice than my ice maker can make and attempted to sleep while being wrapped in ice. Aleve or whatever the Hell I took did absolutely nothing. If anything, it just made me angrier than I was before.

So, basically all I'm trying to say is that if you were me, you would adopt a drug addiction, too.

Sana, sana, culito de rana, si no sana hoy, sana mañana.

I haven't been able to blog lately because I keep torturing myself. Not that my hands haven't been working, but that my brain hasn't been able to process anything more than "OWWWEEEEE" for a while. I know that I have all sorts of problems with my knees, shin and ankles, yet I keep going. I'm like The Little Engine That Could, minus my perseverance and hard work are not paying off the way I want it to.

The weather permitted a nice hike on Tuesday. Dom and I just went for a nice long walk on an easy path off of Mulholland only because I was planning on running later in the evening. I wish I wouldn't have gone for that run because I think I blew out my shins for good. It's 1:00 a.m. and I'm laying sideways typing because I'm icing. I have a gigantic icebag between the insides of shins. it sucks. They have been hurting non-stop since Tuesday night and I literally iced them the moment I got back.

I'm resting my shins for the next week. I will get anxious, I will be bored out of my mind and borderline pulling my hair out but I will force myself to not kill my body any more than I already have. That is a promise.

baby, you're so unusual.

I need new knees. Normally I'm not such a baby about pain because I happen to like some pain, but knee pain is something I do not like, I cannot deal with, and now simple over the counter medications do not seem to fix any discomfort I may have. Look, I'm not even at quarter life yet and my knees feel like they're old, rusty and approaching 80. I wish I could be like everyone else and smoke a joint and suddenly all my pain is gone. No, I have to the the only freak in the world that has to over analyze why I feel the way I do, then my knee pain hurts MORE. Then I sit there and grab my knees and rock myself to sleep. It's so much more fun to be stoned when nothing hurts, then I can sit there and fall into my mind of food and think of delicious things.

Look, I am getting muscular and in shape. I'm almost at the point where I'm in the best shape I've been in the last few years. Not the skinniest, but definitely in the best shape. I'm sick of crash dieting and looking like a crack whore. If I'm going to look like one, I might as well start doing crack and whoring around.

I've been nothing but energy lately and I'm constantly wanting to be OUTSIDE and doing something. It makes sitting at desk 3 days a week for 7 hours a day agonizing. It's torture, really. Truly. Seriously. Who really enjoys sitting all day anyway? Fat people? The point is that I cannot continue this path to awesomeness with hurting knees. I will cut them off and replace them with robot knees if i have to. If not, I will develop a serious drug habit like Dr. House. Just fair warning.

Blister.

Well, apparently silicon handles get so hot they melt off the skin on my hand. Who knew?

Drawing blanks...

Blogging gives me a headache. Every time I open up blogger I run out of shit to write about. My life is interesting, yet it's boring. I guess you can say it's interesting to me and no one else, but I guess that's ok, right?

Since it's been too damn hot outside to hike, I've adopted something much more fun and relaxing as a hobby: swimming aka sitting on floating lounge chair. I get some exercise in too... barely. I've learned to balance swimming with running, it's a nice combo.

Anyway, as you can see, I have a pretty intense tan. Now, let me just say that - my tan line was much, much darker until I decided to pull my top almost completely off, enough to cover the nips... and still, I am still suffering with this horrible tan line. Not to mention... I have a raccoon tan from my over-sized Kanye West inspired glasses. I look like a tanning booth disaster. For the next few days I will be staying out of the sun.

There are no words.

Really, there are no words.

Curiosity killed the cat.

I don't have much to blog about today. That's mainly because I'm unbelievably exhausted and can barely think straight. I am also in dire need of reading glasses (but i can't seem to get on that).

Anyway. After playing basketball tonight, I watched Twilight at Katie's to see what it was all about. Well, I don't think I paid much attention to the movie because I was too busy thinking about how this movie would make an awesome porno. So now I am going to dedicate all my free time into re-writing Twilight into the best porno flick of all time.

I'd elaborate some more, but my eyes are closing. goodnight.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

I'm not exactly sure why I'm up at 3:00 am when I'm drunk and stoned. As a matter of fact, I'm not even sure what the Hell I am supposed to be writing about. All I know is that I just sent Katie home in a cab with some guy that with a towel wrapped around his head and he was very irritated. Like, I'm borderline positive that Katie has probably been raped by now. He made sure to let us know how pissed off he spent $20 on gas to drive Katie 1.5 miles home. I guess it's his fault for not googling that Agoura to Agoura within the same fucking freeway exist is less than walking distance. We're Californians that don't walk unless we're in cute work out pants and tennis shoes so walking was out of the question. Basically, I decided for the first time in my life to not be Katie's DD which in turn cost me $20 to send her home via cab but it was worth it. It was worth seeing her drive away like she's been spanked, scolded and sent to her room for doing something terrible.

Tomorrow I will be curing my hangover by puking off the side of the boat. Wish me luck.