Off Switch

Fuck, I am pale. I am almost at abominable snowman levels. Don't get me wrong, I have always been abominable. There is no denying that. I guess January means that I get pale. I suppose I could tan in a bed with those cancer causing lights but that means I'd have to pay for it and I hate paying for things. I guess I could get free tans if I screwed someone working at a tanning salon but that is highly unlikely. Mostly because that means I would more than likely screw something female and vaginas just aren't my thing.

So once again I failed to post my year-end wrap up. This time I actually wrote like 800 pages worth of year-end nonsense and then realized that it's not a wrap up if it's as long as Moby Dick. What I was essentially trying to say is that first half of 2010 I saw more tiny penises than I ever wanted to see in a lifetime. Thankfully I never slept with any tiny penises. But my biggest lesson of 2010 is do not waste any time on a tiny penis. I mean, if you see it and come to the conclusion that it is not worth touching, run. Pull a Forrest Gump and run like you've never run before. and then keep running.

Then somewhere in the midst of this sea of tiny penises I got a HUGE (pun intended) break and starting banging my boyfriend. Sometimes I think this is why I keep him around, because he's a huge pain in the ass (pun intended again) and that's all I really need in life. I mean, I've come to the conclusion that men are worthless and their only purpose is to be sexually satisfying. If they cannot satisfy then you throw them away, because all the compliments, presents and nice dinners in the world do not equate to a pounding that sends your body and brain through a loop. I mean I guess if you're one of those gold digging cunts it doesn't matter. But if you're an independent woman that takes care of yourself, the only thing that really lacks is a dick. AND DO NOT TRY TO TELL ME A DILDO IS GOOD ENOUGH, IT IS NOT, SO STOP TRYING TO JUSTIFY IT.

It is safe to assume that my 2011 will be full of poundings. I mean it seems like it has already started that way and I don't see that changing. So, here's to 2011 --- A year of good poundings.