On reserve.

Recently I tried to explain to an 18 year old boy that is like my own little brother about the birds and the bees in adulthood. He was having problems with the same girl he's been having issues with since as long as I can remember, the same girl I told him was a complete waste of time and energy. Over the years I tried to explain to him that he is the 'reserve guy,' the guy in the bullpen waiting to be let out and be a bucking bronco but will never be given that chance; that he will die in that bullpen or be sent out to slaughter, but neither would ever be the opportunity to wow the crowd to get the girl. The rodeo wasn't for him, and it would never be. Whether or not he actually took my advice, I'm not sure.

Trying to explain to a guy that he is a bullpen-bull is no easy task. To explain that he was was caught, domesticated enough to not break free and is always available to be haltered and lead when need be sorta sucks. He was the guy on reserve. Once you're in the bullpen, the chances of you are slim to none of getting anywhere on the lineup. Yes, it can happen. But don't bet on it. Just know you'd be last on the list - when all the other bulls are broken, busted, used and abused.

In essence, the bullpen is where guys go when they're not going to be creme of the crop in a girl's eyes. Every girl on the planet has a bullpen. Well, I guess if the girl is really fat or really terrible looking or a combination of the both, then I guess maybe it's slim pickins' for her, but even she might have one... But just know the better looking she is, the bigger her bullpen is. Every girl, whether she's taken or not, has one. If she's taken, she's more than likely even more aware of it.

Single girls know that a majority of their guy friends they haven't known their entire lives are probably just friends because they're hoping to get naked at some point. Taken girls, however, realize which guys are bullpen guys the moment they're openly taken. The guy friends that once hung around all the time are now gone - those are the ones that know they don't want to be in the bullpen. Then there are the ones that will remain friends (and really have no reason to be friends and no reason to really justify it, either), and said guys will remain platonic friends until said taken girl is having a downer day. When said taken girl is sad, upset, mad, whatever - especially at her significant other - it's like someone unlocked the lock but didn't take it off the chain and the bulls are aware. It needs to be jiggled, shook, slammed against --- but the bulls are waiting for that opportune moment to be let out. What's worse is that said taken girl is aware, very aware, and will walk back and forth in front of the gate, walking around with a bucket of pheromones. Women are teases. That's what we do best.

What do girls want out of their bullpen guys? Nothing other than attention in whatever level they're not getting it. Almost always in verbal form, composed of compliments, reassurance and sheer kindness. Anything that will boost her temporarily shattered ego.

"You're so beautiful, I can't believe your boyfriend doesn't tell you every day. I would."

"I would never do that to you. I can't believe your boyfriend does that to you."

"You don't deserve to be treated like that. He doesn't know how big of a chump he is."

"He doesn't respect you. You deserve respect."

"He has no idea how lucky he is to have you. You are one in a million."

blahblahblahblahblah. Need I go on, or do you get the picture?

The point is that if you are that guy that is friends with a girl and you're waiting for her to be single, don't wait. move on. Know that you are her shoulder to cry on - you are the guy she wants to keep around to rub her back or her feet when she's sad, to bring her stuff when her boyfriend won't, to lift her up and put her on a pedestal because her boyfriend doesn't care, to go on coffee dates with her at a moment's notice because her boyfriend forgot they had plans or is running hours upon hours late. Guys, just know she won't leave her boyfriend until she's finally figured out she's had enough - and that could take years or may never happen. Just know that if you are that guy, be aware that the likelihood of you having her is slim. It could happen, it has happened --- but the chances are rare. The more effort you put it, the least likely you'll get what you've been waiting for.

Also, if you are reading this and find yourself to on the opposite side of the bullpen, a.k.a. the boyfriend, just know that when you're not doing your job the way it should be done, there's a whole heard of guys available at a moment's notice. There are probably guys telling her RIGHT NOW how she can do better. Shit, you might be one of the few unlucky ones to lose her to a bullpen guy. Wouldn't that be a bitch.