Trash Day.

I've gotten a few messages from readers saying, "WHAT THE HELL MAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE!? WHAT'S WITH THE SECRETS?!?"

Okay, so I've been secretive. I'll admit it. Shit, I admitted it two posts ago that I'm being secretive.

The reality is, after going through a break up with someone after being with that person nearly daily for 6.5 years, it's hard to want to talk about your personal life via the internets so soon. It's not that I'm ashamed of anything, oh God no, it's that I feel like I need to have some personal space from people that potentially read this. I feel as though that the 'space & time thing' hasn't been long enough. It's not like what I write would fall on deaf ears - or blind eyes in this case. I just need some space for now. It's really that simple. :)

But readers - just know that I'm happy. Happiness is a great thing. I'm not being fake with myself by occupying time with nonsense, nor am I being codependent on anyone to mask any emotions or fill my head with stupidity. I'm not on a bullshit soul search and pretending to be someone that I'm not. I'm genuinely happy - all on my own. I've dedicated a good amount of time to myself. To read, to write, to think and just BE. I haven't been this happy with myself or in general in who knows how many years and it's the best feeling I could ask for. I think this is a well deserved good feeling. Don't get me wrong, I've had an incredible support system of family and friends and I would probably still be lost without them. However, I have learned to give myself ME time, something I haven't done in years.

When I write my 2009 recap (like I said, I'll be waiting until after Christmas to write it), I promise it will be personal and completely open. I actually started to draft it the other night, and slowly but surely I am adding more and more to it. I'm not even entirely sure how to cover the entire year, but I'll figure it out one way or another. I swear.

I know this post wasn't typically me, and neither have the past few posts, but I felt like I needed to explain a little. Are we friends again, readers?

So, in the "in other news" news - aside from my much needed vacation in january - I'm getting a baby grand piano again. Not that I've ever posted this - but I am a piano player. Like, a real one. I'm one of those that can actually play the piano but I get nervous and awkward playing in front of people so I play a couple of notes and fuck them up purposely. When I'm alone, I jam. I was classically trained since I was a baby. My grandma (the one I don't care for) played all over Europe and that was essentially her saving grace in WWII. After she came to the US, she opened up a piano bar in NYC and has had a successful recording career with piano. I suppose the piano playing runs in the family. Because of my rocky relationship with her, I abandoned formal lessons with her and had a piano professor for many, many years. I think 10 in total with Rosie (my professor) and who knows how many years with my grandma. After high school my parents bought me a beautiful Yamaha baby grand piano. Well, the ungrateful brat that I am, I wanted them to sell it and buy me a horse because I wanted to be in the horse world. So, they did. I ended up wasting nearly a million dollars (or so it seems) on horses and ignored my piano playing. Well, now that I'm horseless and haven't played piano in a while, I miss it. I miss being able to sit and just play for hours. The other day I went with my mom to look at baby grands again. I went looking for my old Yamaha... But instead, I decided to fall in love with something much better... A beautiful 5'1" baby grand Steinway. It's beautiful beyond words. it's love - true love. I get her after I come back from my trip. :)