Legal Crack and Nervous Postings

3:51 a.m.

Dom and I are both wide awake, both of us are victims to legal crack. For him, he's on his ADD medication and I'm who knows how many milligrams in on caffeine... Just know that it's a lot.

I'm thinking about making the switch to adderall. See, there's a hell of a lot less fat (I don't drink black coffee) and calories in a tiny pill of brain food. Side effects are anorexia and psychosis. I'm currently psychotic and that's nothing new. I can't imagine a tiny pill of brain food could possibly exacerbate my perpetually unruly behavior. See, if I combine that with my newly-adopted anorexia, I could just be the skinny crack whore which I guess could be a fun new phase in my life. That will give me more drive and reason to go be a fat chef in Spain. See, I really do have methods to my madness. No one ever said I was logical or ethical and by all means, I don't want to be. I suppose when I DO start "thinking like a normal person" is when the Apocalypse is coming. At that point, who gives a shit. The world will be imploding.

Drips.

I want a caffeine drip. Caffeine keeps me going when I don't want to be - or have to be. Sometimes I wonder how caffeine is legal because I swear nothing can be worse (i say this with love) than a pseudo drug that is available everywhere: markets; gas stations; STARBUCKS; restaurants; movie theatres and probably public bathrooms and when I find that public bathroom I will never leave it. I'll be the creep in the corner stall with my pants down, glued to my seat ordering a venti latte to be delivered under the stall door. i'll keep buckets of quarters around me at all times for tips.

I just wanted to say that caffeine is the greatest thing in the world. I'm not trying to deflect the negatives of caffeine, but rather, support the goodness of the 'evil' world of arabica and robusto. to support my argument - here are a few 'unknown' facts about caffeine:

1) When you're wanting to diet and dieting isn't working, caffeine will curb your cravings for everything.

2) When you're tired, grumpy, hungover or in a comatose, caffeine will energize you without the side effects of a major drug habit. plus, it's not as costly.

3) Did i mention caffeine is cheap drug?

4) When you're stressed, hate life, want to kill everything and everyone around you and think your world is going to shit, caffeine will give you the biggest anxiety attack in the world to prove to you that YOU ARE NOT DYING and to worry/care a Hell of a lot less.

5) It makes conversation a lot easier. You'll become chatty, thus, taking over any awkward silence between people and allowing limitless banter to flow from your lips, drowning out any BS that may come from another person you'd rather not be talking to. and;

6) it's tasty. and i mean - sincerely. it makes everything taste good. it would make dog shit taste good if you dipped it in a latte or something.

For now, that will suffice as my argument to be pro-caffeine. Be prepared for a much more indepth, obnoxiously written post about caffeine. but i do ask that in the meantime, you support your local coffee shop (corporate or otherwise) and indulge in legal crack.