Cycles.

I guess now that I'm bound to my bed I should update until I am healed. I think at the slow rate I'm healing at, I might be out of commission for a number of weeks. Now that I had accustomed myself to an active lifestyle, I get restless laying around with ice on my legs all day. I find myself getting anxious sitting around. I even did 100 something crunches tonight to expel some energy. I think I did them wrong and will somehow make myself fatter, but doing so got rid of some extra energy for a short amount of time. I later found myself playing with coconut cream and other miscellaneous items I found in the cupboard. As it turns out, there's a lot I can do with coconut cream. All I need is an ice cream maker and I will retire myself from running. That way I can be fat and happy.

I stole some of my dad's darvocets and have been cutting them in quarters, taking a quarter of a pill every 4-5 hours. It works relatively well without making me miserable and sick like taking a whole pill would. I should probably to go the doctor and get my own, but that would take effort. Stealing the same pills she would give me means I save time and money. I prefer the effortless and free approach to drug use. I figure if you have to spend money on drugs, then either you're not a good enough druggie or you're really terrible looking. Smart druggies and good looking druggies should either be clever at stealing them or have ugly people wanting to give them to you.

Since I'm not really awesome looking I steal from my dad. It makes me feel like I'm 15 years old and obviously I'm lazy. The good news is that I only have a slight tingling feeling in my shins/knees versus pain that makes me want to cut limbs off. Somehow I feel like cutting off my limbs all together will release the pressure in my legs and that the rushing of blood all over my bed and floor will somehow make things better. Clearly, I am very morbid.

Last night I was up until almost 4 in the morning and I'm using more ice than my ice maker can make and attempted to sleep while being wrapped in ice. Aleve or whatever the Hell I took did absolutely nothing. If anything, it just made me angrier than I was before.

So, basically all I'm trying to say is that if you were me, you would adopt a drug addiction, too.

Sana, sana, culito de rana, si no sana hoy, sana mañana.

I haven't been able to blog lately because I keep torturing myself. Not that my hands haven't been working, but that my brain hasn't been able to process anything more than "OWWWEEEEE" for a while. I know that I have all sorts of problems with my knees, shin and ankles, yet I keep going. I'm like The Little Engine That Could, minus my perseverance and hard work are not paying off the way I want it to.

The weather permitted a nice hike on Tuesday. Dom and I just went for a nice long walk on an easy path off of Mulholland only because I was planning on running later in the evening. I wish I wouldn't have gone for that run because I think I blew out my shins for good. It's 1:00 a.m. and I'm laying sideways typing because I'm icing. I have a gigantic icebag between the insides of shins. it sucks. They have been hurting non-stop since Tuesday night and I literally iced them the moment I got back.

I'm resting my shins for the next week. I will get anxious, I will be bored out of my mind and borderline pulling my hair out but I will force myself to not kill my body any more than I already have. That is a promise.