Cycles.

I guess now that I'm bound to my bed I should update until I am healed. I think at the slow rate I'm healing at, I might be out of commission for a number of weeks. Now that I had accustomed myself to an active lifestyle, I get restless laying around with ice on my legs all day. I find myself getting anxious sitting around. I even did 100 something crunches tonight to expel some energy. I think I did them wrong and will somehow make myself fatter, but doing so got rid of some extra energy for a short amount of time. I later found myself playing with coconut cream and other miscellaneous items I found in the cupboard. As it turns out, there's a lot I can do with coconut cream. All I need is an ice cream maker and I will retire myself from running. That way I can be fat and happy.

I stole some of my dad's darvocets and have been cutting them in quarters, taking a quarter of a pill every 4-5 hours. It works relatively well without making me miserable and sick like taking a whole pill would. I should probably to go the doctor and get my own, but that would take effort. Stealing the same pills she would give me means I save time and money. I prefer the effortless and free approach to drug use. I figure if you have to spend money on drugs, then either you're not a good enough druggie or you're really terrible looking. Smart druggies and good looking druggies should either be clever at stealing them or have ugly people wanting to give them to you.

Since I'm not really awesome looking I steal from my dad. It makes me feel like I'm 15 years old and obviously I'm lazy. The good news is that I only have a slight tingling feeling in my shins/knees versus pain that makes me want to cut limbs off. Somehow I feel like cutting off my limbs all together will release the pressure in my legs and that the rushing of blood all over my bed and floor will somehow make things better. Clearly, I am very morbid.

Last night I was up until almost 4 in the morning and I'm using more ice than my ice maker can make and attempted to sleep while being wrapped in ice. Aleve or whatever the Hell I took did absolutely nothing. If anything, it just made me angrier than I was before.

So, basically all I'm trying to say is that if you were me, you would adopt a drug addiction, too.

baby, you're so unusual.

I need new knees. Normally I'm not such a baby about pain because I happen to like some pain, but knee pain is something I do not like, I cannot deal with, and now simple over the counter medications do not seem to fix any discomfort I may have. Look, I'm not even at quarter life yet and my knees feel like they're old, rusty and approaching 80. I wish I could be like everyone else and smoke a joint and suddenly all my pain is gone. No, I have to the the only freak in the world that has to over analyze why I feel the way I do, then my knee pain hurts MORE. Then I sit there and grab my knees and rock myself to sleep. It's so much more fun to be stoned when nothing hurts, then I can sit there and fall into my mind of food and think of delicious things.

Look, I am getting muscular and in shape. I'm almost at the point where I'm in the best shape I've been in the last few years. Not the skinniest, but definitely in the best shape. I'm sick of crash dieting and looking like a crack whore. If I'm going to look like one, I might as well start doing crack and whoring around.

I've been nothing but energy lately and I'm constantly wanting to be OUTSIDE and doing something. It makes sitting at desk 3 days a week for 7 hours a day agonizing. It's torture, really. Truly. Seriously. Who really enjoys sitting all day anyway? Fat people? The point is that I cannot continue this path to awesomeness with hurting knees. I will cut them off and replace them with robot knees if i have to. If not, I will develop a serious drug habit like Dr. House. Just fair warning.