Besides the fact that I might blow up my fucking piece of shit Cadillac, some shit just isn't adding up and I'm really pissed off about it. The problem herein is that I am vengeful. Oh well.
I cook way too much for my own good and I spend a majority of my income at Whole Foods. I speak and write exclusively in hyperbole and satire. I have a very big Doberman Pinscher named Sierra Havana that wants the opportunity to eat a baby. I finally got rid of my horse and now all I want to do is travel the world. I believe in ghosts because I see dead people. I get anxiety attacks when I do not have my cell phone with me because I need rehab for blackberry messenger. I'm not ashamed to have a closet full of sex toys. I'm an equal opportunity hater and eater. I would love the life of a hermit crab or Anthony Bourdain. I want 30 slaves and I don't care where they come from as long as I can beat them.
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