I'll just come out at say it: I HAVE A GOD DAMN BOYFRIEND. There. That was my announcement. Clearly I've been hiding him for a while now and I can't anymore. Then again there's just no point to hiding someone that means the world to me, right? I thought so. He's not someone that doesn't need announcement because I plan on letting go of because I get bored easily. He's here to stay for a long time. :)The main reason why I have neglected this blog is because I normally blog when I'm at home and I'm never home anymore, I'm always at my boyfriend's house. I even started blogging early in the morning while having breakfast but then I got too lazy to do that since my mind's normally not fully functioning and my thoughts can't even translate to full sentences. Tonight's one of these rare occasions where I'm having a bout of insomnia. It's only 1 something and I'm wide awake and I quit drinking coffee in the early afternoon, yet I'm still wired. It's probably from my brazlian jiu jitsu class, and being pumped at how much I'm progressing, that I'm still wired. My studio makes me completely high on life all the time. I should post new pictures soon, because my body is looking fucking insane because of what this sport is doing to me. Anyway, Jamie (my boyfriend) has completely cured my insomnia. I don't know what it is about him, but he's the only person that gets me to sleep even at 10:30 at night when I'm borderline kicking my feet and throwing temper tantrums to get me to sleep. It's not even that he fucks my brains out and then I sleep. It's that he genuinely has something deeper within him that my soul or something within me loves because all he has to do is play with my hair and cuddle me and I'm out like a light and I'm more than happy to be awake when he gets up at 6 am. Strange, really. Tonight I actually put him to bed because I wanted to stay up to blog, I just didn't think I'd be up this late while doing so.
So, to answer any and all potential questions, I'm going to just spit it all out and hope that I don't offend everyone which I probably will anyway.
This relationship came straight out of left field. I honestly never saw this one coming and would have never guessed it in a million years. My boyfriend is someone I've been friends with for over a decade, that was a neighbor at one in point time, who was good friends with my brother for many years (still is), whose mother knows my mother, who was someone that I hung out with just as friends and we'd go hiking and shoot the shit... Most importantly, someone I've been close to for a long time, but still not close enough for him to never cross the platonic line.
It started with him being brilliant in math and me needing math help... Funny because you look at him and with his shaved head, half sleeve and other misc. tattoos you'd never think he's as brilliant as he is because society dictates that anyone that has tattoos and a shaved head is an idiot and probably a thug. Anyway, one day when I needed help (actually, this was my 3rd or 4th time needing his help), I went over and he answered his door with his shirt off, all sweaty from painting and moving furniture around in his room, beautifully tanned and toned, the sweat glistening like someone sprayed him with glitter and then shined a light on him, covered in red clay-colored paint and I almost shit my pants. All these years I had no idea he was as insanely hot as he is. I had never really paid attention because he was always just Jamie and I never thought much of it. Plus all these years I've been attracted to sexually questionable men, whose clothing would always be more fitted for thin women, and somewhere within that metrosexual-look loving I once had, I assumed that any guy that wore a t-shirt that didn't show off his muscles was fat. Fuck, I was wrong. GOD DAMN WAS I WRONG. All this time I've known how much we have in common, and we'd always talk via FB how we need to hang more because we have so much in common, but I never saw him in that light until my hot meter went off because i am as disgusting as your typical dirt bag male deep down inside. The reality is that if I am going to accidentally breed, it better be with someone that will give me beautiful children. I have basic physical requirements for a partner: green eyes, straight teeth, olive skin, killer body. I WILL NOT DATE OUTSIDE OF THOSE REQUIREMENTS. I CAN'T. I WON'T. IMPOSSIBLE. I HAVE TRIED AND I JUST CAN'T DO IT. I have had some insanely gorgeous men come my way with brown eyes and I can't do it because I can't get passed that they're fucking brown. I hate brown. Brown comes out of my asshole. I don't want to look into someone's eyes and see that it is the same color of fucking bodily waste. NO THANK YOU. So, not only does he meet those very basic requirements, but he shatters my requirement by having a dick made for pornography a la Boogie Nights, and is so muscular and strong that he tosses me around like a rag doll in a way that will make any S&M junkie jealous. Are YOU jealous? You should be. Sometimes I get jealous of myself.
Beyond the physical side of this relationship, we have everything in common. We're both only children of very similar family backgrounds. We love the same things, we laugh at the same things, we're twisted in the head in the same ways and we just fit each other perfectly. He doesn't want to change me and I don't want to change him. I think the most important thing in a relationship is when you're with someone who wants to be with YOU - not a fictitious you. If suddenly you change your ENTIRE LIFE in the sense of hobbies and thought processes for someone you just met then you're insecure and probably shouldn't be in a relationship until you figure out what you want to do with YOURSELF, not what someone else wants to do with you. I guess if you're okay with being a project, then go for it - otherwise, that's an insecurity issue. The beauty about my relationship is that we're there. We're not wanting to change one another. We're not looking for things that aren't there. I know him, he knows me - and what's on the table is what's on the table and there's nothing more to look for. Nothing fell, nothing's missing and no one will bring anything to add to it. All we can do is build off of what's there and hope it stands strong. :)
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