Sleep is an illusion.

Once again, I'm blogging at an ungodly hour. The picture above was taken just a few moments ago. I always turn into such a mess at this time.

I know I said I was going to write my 2009 recap and post it. Well, I wrote it and posted it. I backdated it to the 31st. When reading it back to myself several times, I felt as if there was a little too much vulnerability of myself via the interwebs and I didn't like that. I deleted most of it out and kept it for my personal use as a majority of it didn't feel like me when I went to post it. I like being a ranting and raving like a nonsensical crazy person. I prefer to be known for not making sense than being a wah wah blogger. So, the half-paragraph is all you get. Sorry.

I did want to take a moment though to say that 2010 has started on a really incredible note. Between NYE, this past weekend, certain people in my life and my trip in 3 days... I've been blessed. :)

I will resume my perpetual insanity tomorrow.

Sucio.

Fuck it. I've been too busy and I'm entirely too tired to finish my recap. I'll post it this weekend. I don't care if it's late.

I'm already running late as it is... But I wanted to wish everyone a Happy and SAFE New Year.

So long, 2009!

2009

2009 has been one of my greatest years of emotional and mental growth. With that said, my quarter life crisis has been planted into my daily train of thought and it's starting to blossom into something much more than a typical crisis that comes and goes. I've learned a lot about who I am and what I stand for; I've learned what drives me and what breaks me; I've learned to take the lead when need be and when to step back and watch. I let the cards fall this year and the river has come up in my favor.

In the past year I've left behind a lot of relationships that were toxic to me and I've gained some incredible relationships with people that literally skyrocket my spirit into the clouds and far beyond planetary measurement. I've experienced the world from afar and cultured my soul forever and I'm constantly craving for more. I have focused my energy on what I love and what I need to do. Most and best of all, I finally love myself for who I am and not what other people want me to be.

Goodbye, 2009.

Welcome, 2010. :)

Nocturnal.

I'm officially nocturnal. I went to bed last night at 5 am and woke up some point before my alarm clock went off at 8:30. I stayed up for an hour or so, passed out, woke up around 11, ran errands and did some stuff, passed out agan, woke up at 4, made dinner and ran more errands, took a shower, passed out at again, woke up at 11:30 and now it's 4:15 am.

Someone please explain to me what the hell is wrong with my brain lately. It won't shut up and let me sleep. Thanks.

Recaps and Unavailability.

Writing my recap of 2009 is proving to be much more difficult than I had anticipated. I'm sort of walking on egg shells on the ex subject because I really don't want to talk about him at all in my recap, although he was around for a majority of the year. I feel like I'm completely devoid of any thoughts and memories of him yet I know he was there and greatly impacted many of my decisions I had made throughout the year. It's weird to think that I literally spent 6.5 years of my life with a person and I have no fond, strong or clear memories of him. I don't what I did but I feel as though I literally flushed everything I knew of him out of my system. All I am left with is a name, a time period and KNOWING he was there without remembering exact moments or feelings and even old pictures don't move me. My brain washed away the good times with the bad times. I suppose since the bad outweighed the majority, it was easy to lose the good memories. C'est la vie, as they say.

Lately my life has been anything but mundane. I'm juggling too many things at once and eventually I will lose sight of one of my juggling pins to only find it when it's too late and landing on my head. I've almost been living a fantasy life, and I'm constantly pinching myself to make sure the things that are happening are true. It's literally like my life changed overnight into this world of pleasure and self [good] torment. I'm not sure whether it's luck, karma or just my ability to see clearly, but something in the air, water, universe is aligning with whatever possesses me to do the things I do in a supremely fantastic way. This time a year ago I would have never considered flying as much as I have been and will continue to be flying so long as I'm temporarily satiated at the end of the journey. Like I said a couple of weeks back, I've learned not to ask questions (or at least unnecessary ones) and let go. It's been fun and I can't wait for more.

My 'secret' trip is in 8 days. I feel like I've been counting down for this for months and now it's just about a week away of seeing someone really, truly incredible and special.

Noche Buena

Tonight is our traditional Noche Buena dinner. I figured I would make a quick post about it now before I end up getting entirely too drunk to post later. Actually, that's a lie. I'll probably drunken blog later.

Pictured above is a 22 pound bone-in pork shoulder... Us Cuban folk call in lechon asado. The fat has obviously been scored and is melting beautifully into the meat and keeping it moist. The picture above was taken when it was 6 hours in. It will be in 12 hours total by the time I take it out. The entire neighborhood smells like roasted garlic and pork and I'm sorry that they can't enjoy this. I've even had a couple of neighbors comment on how the whole block smells like dinner and they asked when it would be ready.

Noche Buena is a special time for me. I get to spend this evening with my family and my closest friends and sharing my love of Cuban food with everyone. This year four of my best friends are coming and two of them bringing their parents that are like my extended family. I'm sure we will all be beyond hammered by the time we're half way done with dinner. Actually, I plan on drinking the moment I'm done frying things. Sadly, I won't be eating any fried goodies and I probably won't eat much dinner either as I plan on getting my daily caloric intake from alcohol. Hey, it's the special time of year when I can drink myself retarded and no one will care because it's what people do at these family gatherings. We drink, talk shit to each other and then drink some more.

Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you all spend it with the ones you love the most.

Christmas presents...

For the sake of someone's sanity, I blurred out his name but thought I'd post this anyway. My friend left a present on my car because he's seriously awesome. I got excited thinking it was a book I wanted to read and had mentioned or whatever. I mean, being its obvious shape and weight I figured it was something along that line.

As it turns out, he just wanted to tell me how he felt about me. hahaha. AWESOME!


btw... it's a journal. :)